The All Hip-Hop NFL Team: Offense
September 13, 2012
The NFL season kicked off this week, introducing us to each team’s best 53 players. While watching the games, we here at STACK thought it would be fun to create our own all-star NFL roster of sorts. Not with actual players (that would be too easy), but with rappers. Hip-hop has long embraced sports, so what better way to return the favor than with this creation of an all hip-hop NFL team? We begin on offense.
The Jigga Man has been first on the depth chart in his league for a long time, piling up classic albums and a boatload of money. He’s also dating that really hot cheerleader. He’s engaged in heated battles (his beef with Nas), built a dynasty (it’s the Roc!) and fed a hunger for the game so insatiable that he even came out of early retirement to return to it. Jay may be approaching the downside of 40, but the veteran comes through in the clutch.
(Photo via We Be Gone)
Starting Five: Action Bronson, Notorious B.I.G., Big Pun, Rick Ross, Bubba Sparxx
No defensive player is getting through this massive blob of an offensive line. Two of the rappers here already have “big” in their names. Before Action Bronson was an MC, he dabbled in the culinary arts as a chef. His large stomach is fueled by only the finest cuisine. You’ve all unfortunately seen Rick Ross with his shirt off, so you already know the girth you’ll be dealing with when you try to pull a swim move off on that guy. And not only is Bubba Sparxx big, but he’s country strong. He’ll slam you to the ground, roll you around in some mud and then shuck some corn while you try to get back up. Jay-Z will head back to the locker room without a stain on his jersey playing behind these plump gentlemen.
Backups: Any other rapper with "fat" or "big" in his name.
(Photo via High Snobiety)
Starters: 2 Chainz, Waka Flocka Flame
They both stand over 6’4” and they both represent Georgia, so the chemistry is already there. They could even have an awesome nickname: The Dreadlocked Duo. 2 Chainz played basketball during his college days at Alabama State, so he’s already got athletic fortitude. Wacka Flocka has a football body, and has shown just how physical he can be. His relationship with PETA shows that although he won't back down from anyone on the field, he's got a softer side and collaborates well with others.
Backup: J. Cole
(Photo via IllRoots)
Although he’s a bit undersized for the position, Common is sturdy. He’d create major mismatches for the bigger linebackers trying to cover him and could sneak quietly into the holes of zone coverage. Common has done the same thing in his successful career as a rapper, seamlessly mastering the mainstream and underground markets alike.
Backup: Busta Rhymes
(Photo via Get Addicted)
Starter: LL Cool J
Even as he approaches his mid-40s, LL Cool J is as physically fit as ever. Working as a cop on NCIS: Los Angeles has kept him on his toes fighting fake crime. He prepared for a life in football by portraying a running back in Any Given Sunday. Hand him the rock, and LL will truck defenders like he trucked the man that tried to break into his house.
Backups: Royce da 5’9”, Wale
Starter: Wiz Khalifa
Wiz’s frail frame would make it dangerous to put in him in the game as anything but a kicker, but his lankiness makes booting extra points and field goals the perfect occupation. Plus, he could work on writing albums with all the free time he'd have on the bench.
Backup: Snoop Dogg