How Johnny Manziel Will Immediately Improve Your City

If Johnny Manziel comes to your city, he will transform it into a utopia fit for a king. STACK explains how.

How Johnny Manziel Will Improve Houston

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How Johnny Manziel Will Improve Houston

In 1836, General Sam Houston founded what is currently the largest city in Texas specifically so that Johnny Manziel could carry it to glory 178 years later. You can look it up. It's all right there. Sure, Houston already has James "The Beard" Harden and Dwight "The Perpetual Teenager" Howard, but Johnny Football trumps them both.

So how can Manziel make Houston a better place? He comes from a family deeply entrenched in the oil industry, which is a quintessential Texas thing. You can still find people in the Lone Star State wearing oversized cowboy hats and yelling "I'M AN OIL MAN!" in a deep Southern drawl. Whenever Manziel scores a touchdown in Reliant Stadium, he can do his patented "get money" celebration in the end zone (see above) while Rick Ross's "Oil Money Gang" plays over the speakers, and oil (not fireworks) shoots out of the Jumbotron. It will become the best in-stadium experience in the league, boosting attendance and improving Houston tourism, both by 1,000 percent.

Not enough to convince you? With Manziel in tow and a sponsorship from NASA, Houston could create the ninth wonder of the world, an enormous spaceship simulator in the middle of downtown that allows people, for a flat rate of just $50, to maneuver through Houston's most famous clubs without being caught by TMZ.


Photo Credit: Getty Images // Thinkstock

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