Ah, football season. We can almost smell the grill from here. Nothing goes better with watching grown men crash their bodies into each other than delicious eats. Burgers, dips, chicken wings, whatever. Saturdays and Sundays are an excuse to stuff your face without judgement, and some of the best places to do it are the stadiums themselves. The problem? You’re probably not in the mood to count calories when you’re scarfing down a four-pound hot dog. Ok, nachos and chicken fingers are unavoidable, but here are seven extremely unhealthy concoctions you can find in college and pro stadiums. If you find yourself in one of these stadiums, stay aways from them. Save yourself.
The Aggie Dog
Where: Texas A&M’s Kyle Field
What: Why eat a simple, 6-inch, plain hot dog when you can consume a 4-foot, 12-pound monstrosity? That’s the question the good folks down in College Station, Texas asked Texas A&M football fans with the creation of the Aggie Dog, a brute large enough to feed Godzilla. There seem to be about a million topping options, from nacho cheese to jalapeños to ground beef and whatever else your heart desires. The Aggie Dog appears to be available only in the club and suite levels at Kyle Field. Be warned, though. A single bite might actually contain 1,000 calories. Bonus points if you can get it back to your seat.
The Tailgater Burger
Where: Baltimore Ravens M&T Bank Stadium
What: If you feel like dropping $18 and instantly gaining 20 pounds, the Tailgater Burger sold at Baltimore Ravens games is the right choice. New for 2015, this monstrosity features a burger topped with American cheese, applewood bacon, kielbasa sausage, onion rings and crab dip, all on a pretzel bun. In case you weren’t full already, and were thinking to yourself, boy, some chicken wings would ice this fat food cake, you’re in luck! A couple of Buffalo chicken wings rest peacefully, staked atop the bun. Chances you make it out of the stadium after consuming this bad boy: below 50 percent.
Frito Pie Hot Dog
Where: Dallas Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium
What: You’re probably asking yourself, “Wait, is that what I think it is? Did someone take a hot dog and dump Fritos all over it?” Yes. Yes they did. Sold in the Dallas Cowboys mothership of a football stadium, the Frito Pie Hot Dog features an all-beef dog topped with chili, pico de gallo, and of course, Fritos. Gross.
Where: Wisconsin Badgers Camp Randall Stadium
What: Despite the clever name, the Badger Stacker is an artery clogger waiting to happen. It’s an omelet filled with grilled bratwurst and smothered in cheese.
Chicken-N-Waffle the Quarterback
Where: Buffalo Bills Ralph Wilson Stadium
What: The name doesn’t make any sense, but this thing is disgusting nonetheless. A piece of chicken is smothered in hot sauce, covered in blue cheese and coleslaw and stuffed between two waffles. Perhaps this particular item is meant to keep Bills fans warm through those harsh winters watching bad football, but once you digest this thing, you’ll spend more time in the restroom than in your seat watching the game.
Giant Smoked Turkey Leg
Where: Virginia Tech Lane Stadium
What: It’s tradition when attending Virginia Tech home football games to order up a smoked turkey leg. Eating one of these doesn’t look particularly gross on the surface, but you may be surprised to learn that one giant leg with the skin left on clocks in at just over 1,000 calories. It might make you feel like a medieval king who can yell “MORE WINE” whenever he pleases, but the consequences aren’t worth it.
Where: Kansas City Chiefs Arrowhead Stadium
What: Piled atop a piece of fried bread comes cheese sauce, malted beer grain syrup, bacon and a fried egg. We don’t even want to glimpse the calorie and fat count, because we feel overweight just looking at it.