Coaching is one of the most rewarding and frustrating things that you will ever experience. There will be good days and bad days. Hopefully, these tips will help you get better results with your team, athletes, or other people that you are working with.
What do Coaches and Parent Have in Common?
Positivity
Positivity in all thoughts, all actions (oral expressions & physical actions / re-actions), and good-example setting among one another for the enjoyment of the team as well as playing the sport
Support
Support people (if any) who need to know the game rules, learn the strategies, and practice the positive-interaction guidelines
Be aware that it is possible for grown people to revert behaviorally verbally to immature eight-year-olds with their selfish talk or needless critiques of some plays/performances of their teammates.
Bring in the actual rulebook which governs the sport, and have it handy (and/or have online access) for those odd questions or situations which can & do arise.
If one is simultaneously the parent of a team member and a coach/assistant coach of the team members on the same team:
Avoid the tendency to overplay or otherwise favor one’s own child!
Some minimum percentage of playing time in the games (not only the practice sessions) should be established for every player on the team.
“Hurt feelings from the bench versus winning the championship” remains as one of those continuing challenges (of competing interests) for every coach.
Overplaying the relative (son, daughter, niece, nephew) is way too common and even something for league officials to ideally lookout for–even though this can sometimes be challenging to spot on the playing field.
Only when other parents (or even teammates) speak up does this inequity come to light and (hopefully) positively dealt with.
Unfortunately, there are also at least a few coaches who are doing the coaching mainly for the extra money, if being paid, or to mainly assure playing time for their own children; otherwise, they would not be doing it.
Either or both reasons (“mainly money” and/or “play my own kids”) are less than ideal and hopefully do not happen. Think about your own motivation for being a coach.
Dealing With Conflicts
Dealing with such conflicts of interest is almost always quite challenging for the league officials, at least when overplaying one’s own children becomes obvious.
“Team First” can be adopted as the motto for action, which might bring the team to that sought-after position competitively!
Setting Some Limits & Guidelines in the Role of Coaching
Coaches should not try to become the parent per se to any or all their young team players. That parental role is reserved for the natural parent / adoptive parents or legal guardians.
The advantages of teamwork-oriented actions and of thorough communications need to be directly explained by the coach to the team as a group per se and also to the parents in a group meeting.
If a coach is not comfortable with presentations, sometimes because of the large amount of relevant info to convey to the team and to parents, then a written version to copy for each on the entire team roster would be appropriate.
Some parents may or may not have detailed knowledge of the game. And to the few parents who might think that they know more than the coach–or try to act/talk that way, coaches’ dealing with it earlier than later is more effective!
Agenda Items For Coaches
Hold at least one parent-oriented meeting–before the start of the match schedule/season, with the offer to:
- Explain the rules of the subject sport,
- Give helpful online references & game tutorials (youtube, etc.),
- Clarify the role of the coach & any assistant coaches,
- Detail the role & scope of function of the league officials,
- The vital role that each parent plays in the picture.
Generate a flyer of “do’s and don’t” for parents and a similar one for teammates. Not only with your own (reasonable !) ground rules, but what is also considered “standard” in that sport, with any useful websites for further reference. One example is USAH.org for Ice Hockey
Help to arrange/coordinate useful car rides to game matches & practices for teammates who have no such transportation.
Many diverse households are often mingled on the same team–especially those of different financial means–to a perhaps surprising magnitude of difference.
One family might own only one car for several people, and another might have one car per household member! And there may even be those team members in households without any car.
The folks with the ready transportation might “step up” and offer to other parents openly or one-on-one (depending on the situation).
Suggest in general for able parents to make car ride offerings, but DO NOT make any direct assignments!
At some early point in taking on the role, draft a set of “survey” questions to the parents and a separate set of survey questions to your team members–with language at an age-appropriate level.
Ask each individual to answer the “survey” sheet on their own privately AND ANONYMOUSLY or use Survey Monkey.
Survey Your Team
Answers on survey forms would be placed folded up (in a shoebox or other large-enough container) for later reading & evaluation by the coach.
Starter questions: [ in no particular order] for TEAM Members
{Directions: Check all items that apply to you}
What first made you interested in this team?
- Friends on the team or trying out for the same team
- Love the sport
- Parents would like me to play this sport
- Brother or sister also plays the same sport
- Don’t really know
- Other
- Comments in your own words
What do you hope to gain from being on this team? (check all that apply)
- Learn more about the sport
- Actual playing time
- Gain approval of my parents
- Approval of other folks in the family
- Approval of my coach
- Playing experience to go further in this sport
- Compete with brother or sister
- Don’t really know
- Other
- Comments in your own words
Do you have a preferred playing field position, or is playing time in any position more important to you? [choose only one]
- Preferred position [list here] __________
- Playing time is more important to me. “Put me in, coach !”
- Comments in your own words
Your collected feedback (anonymously) from both groups, i.e., the team members and their parents/guardians, can provide very valuable indicators on your coach’s agenda for the season.
Explain What The Parental Role should Includes And Exclude
Bullying of other parents, the game refs (on or off the field), or the teammates of son or daughter, or league officials
“Trash talking” about any teammate of the child(ren), of any of the parents, or about the coach
Improper behavior at games or practices, i.e., where the role of the coach is being challenged, excessively loud error commentary about any player’s performance (own team or opponents’ team)
Going even further to make physical threats to any individual (team member, coach/assistant coach, or team parent) in the realm of their own team dynamics or the inter-league competition.
If any parent/guardian is interested enough to be more involved than merely a spectator at the practices and games, some “assisting” roles might be given by the coach for when such parents are able to be present. These roles might include assisting with some of the sports drills (for smaller, more focused groups in the drills), and perhaps being the team “videographer” where such parents /guardians can put their iPhone devices to use to capture footage of team drills and game matches–for later sharing out.
The coach could even utilize some of this video footage to highlight various “best plays,” a.k.a. the highlight-reel plays, and to candidly discuss what would NOT be called a Blooper Session.
No mocking of any teammates would be permitted–even if expressed in supposedly in good-natured tones, during the replays of the less-than-stellar plays, whether in practice or in-game situations.
With the explanation of “this is how the pros improve their game skills,” the young players might be quite interested in seeing their star performances, yet also become more accepting of those momentary errors/misjudgments during the competition which missed being a good play by perhaps a fraction of a second.
These specific replays can represent an actual/proven means to improve for the young athlete.
In closing, the Coach (with assistant coach(s) and any helping parents) can take the leadership initiative to possibly organize an end-of-season celebration (team members and their parents/guardians all invited !) to enjoy all the experiences of that season, possibly with any videotaped gameplay & practice time footage, all to re-enjoy for the camaraderie!
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Coaching is one of the most rewarding and frustrating things that you will ever experience. There will be good days and bad days. Hopefully, these tips will help you get better results with your team, athletes, or other people that you are working with.
What do Coaches and Parent Have in Common?
Positivity
Positivity in all thoughts, all actions (oral expressions & physical actions / re-actions), and good-example setting among one another for the enjoyment of the team as well as playing the sport
Support
Support people (if any) who need to know the game rules, learn the strategies, and practice the positive-interaction guidelines
Be aware that it is possible for grown people to revert behaviorally verbally to immature eight-year-olds with their selfish talk or needless critiques of some plays/performances of their teammates.
Bring in the actual rulebook which governs the sport, and have it handy (and/or have online access) for those odd questions or situations which can & do arise.
If one is simultaneously the parent of a team member and a coach/assistant coach of the team members on the same team:
Avoid the tendency to overplay or otherwise favor one’s own child!
Some minimum percentage of playing time in the games (not only the practice sessions) should be established for every player on the team.
“Hurt feelings from the bench versus winning the championship” remains as one of those continuing challenges (of competing interests) for every coach.
Overplaying the relative (son, daughter, niece, nephew) is way too common and even something for league officials to ideally lookout for–even though this can sometimes be challenging to spot on the playing field.
Only when other parents (or even teammates) speak up does this inequity come to light and (hopefully) positively dealt with.
Unfortunately, there are also at least a few coaches who are doing the coaching mainly for the extra money, if being paid, or to mainly assure playing time for their own children; otherwise, they would not be doing it.
Either or both reasons (“mainly money” and/or “play my own kids”) are less than ideal and hopefully do not happen. Think about your own motivation for being a coach.
Dealing With Conflicts
Dealing with such conflicts of interest is almost always quite challenging for the league officials, at least when overplaying one’s own children becomes obvious.
“Team First” can be adopted as the motto for action, which might bring the team to that sought-after position competitively!
Setting Some Limits & Guidelines in the Role of Coaching
Coaches should not try to become the parent per se to any or all their young team players. That parental role is reserved for the natural parent / adoptive parents or legal guardians.
The advantages of teamwork-oriented actions and of thorough communications need to be directly explained by the coach to the team as a group per se and also to the parents in a group meeting.
If a coach is not comfortable with presentations, sometimes because of the large amount of relevant info to convey to the team and to parents, then a written version to copy for each on the entire team roster would be appropriate.
Some parents may or may not have detailed knowledge of the game. And to the few parents who might think that they know more than the coach–or try to act/talk that way, coaches’ dealing with it earlier than later is more effective!
Agenda Items For Coaches
Hold at least one parent-oriented meeting–before the start of the match schedule/season, with the offer to:
- Explain the rules of the subject sport,
- Give helpful online references & game tutorials (youtube, etc.),
- Clarify the role of the coach & any assistant coaches,
- Detail the role & scope of function of the league officials,
- The vital role that each parent plays in the picture.
Generate a flyer of “do’s and don’t” for parents and a similar one for teammates. Not only with your own (reasonable !) ground rules, but what is also considered “standard” in that sport, with any useful websites for further reference. One example is USAH.org for Ice Hockey
Help to arrange/coordinate useful car rides to game matches & practices for teammates who have no such transportation.
Many diverse households are often mingled on the same team–especially those of different financial means–to a perhaps surprising magnitude of difference.
One family might own only one car for several people, and another might have one car per household member! And there may even be those team members in households without any car.
The folks with the ready transportation might “step up” and offer to other parents openly or one-on-one (depending on the situation).
Suggest in general for able parents to make car ride offerings, but DO NOT make any direct assignments!
At some early point in taking on the role, draft a set of “survey” questions to the parents and a separate set of survey questions to your team members–with language at an age-appropriate level.
Ask each individual to answer the “survey” sheet on their own privately AND ANONYMOUSLY or use Survey Monkey.
Survey Your Team
Answers on survey forms would be placed folded up (in a shoebox or other large-enough container) for later reading & evaluation by the coach.
Starter questions: [ in no particular order] for TEAM Members
{Directions: Check all items that apply to you}
What first made you interested in this team?
- Friends on the team or trying out for the same team
- Love the sport
- Parents would like me to play this sport
- Brother or sister also plays the same sport
- Don’t really know
- Other
- Comments in your own words
What do you hope to gain from being on this team? (check all that apply)
- Learn more about the sport
- Actual playing time
- Gain approval of my parents
- Approval of other folks in the family
- Approval of my coach
- Playing experience to go further in this sport
- Compete with brother or sister
- Don’t really know
- Other
- Comments in your own words
Do you have a preferred playing field position, or is playing time in any position more important to you? [choose only one]
- Preferred position [list here] __________
- Playing time is more important to me. “Put me in, coach !”
- Comments in your own words
Your collected feedback (anonymously) from both groups, i.e., the team members and their parents/guardians, can provide very valuable indicators on your coach’s agenda for the season.
Explain What The Parental Role should Includes And Exclude
Bullying of other parents, the game refs (on or off the field), or the teammates of son or daughter, or league officials
“Trash talking” about any teammate of the child(ren), of any of the parents, or about the coach
Improper behavior at games or practices, i.e., where the role of the coach is being challenged, excessively loud error commentary about any player’s performance (own team or opponents’ team)
Going even further to make physical threats to any individual (team member, coach/assistant coach, or team parent) in the realm of their own team dynamics or the inter-league competition.
If any parent/guardian is interested enough to be more involved than merely a spectator at the practices and games, some “assisting” roles might be given by the coach for when such parents are able to be present. These roles might include assisting with some of the sports drills (for smaller, more focused groups in the drills), and perhaps being the team “videographer” where such parents /guardians can put their iPhone devices to use to capture footage of team drills and game matches–for later sharing out.
The coach could even utilize some of this video footage to highlight various “best plays,” a.k.a. the highlight-reel plays, and to candidly discuss what would NOT be called a Blooper Session.
No mocking of any teammates would be permitted–even if expressed in supposedly in good-natured tones, during the replays of the less-than-stellar plays, whether in practice or in-game situations.
With the explanation of “this is how the pros improve their game skills,” the young players might be quite interested in seeing their star performances, yet also become more accepting of those momentary errors/misjudgments during the competition which missed being a good play by perhaps a fraction of a second.
These specific replays can represent an actual/proven means to improve for the young athlete.
In closing, the Coach (with assistant coach(s) and any helping parents) can take the leadership initiative to possibly organize an end-of-season celebration (team members and their parents/guardians all invited !) to enjoy all the experiences of that season, possibly with any videotaped gameplay & practice time footage, all to re-enjoy for the camaraderie!