How Johnny Manziel Will Immediately Improve Your City

If Johnny Manziel comes to your city, he will transform it into a utopia fit for a king. STACK explains how.

How Johnny Manziel Will Improve Jacksonville

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How Johnny Manziel Will Improve Jacksonville

There are many reasons why Johnny Manziel would transform Jacksonville from a swamp of fair-weather fans to a place people will refer to as the "Boston of the South." The main one has to do with alligator safety. This past summer, an 80-pound Husky was reportedly eaten by a gator in Jacksonville when it ventured a little too close to a river. With his giant hands and ability to look into the soul of any animal—gator, human or otherwise—Manziel would end gator attacks for good. And with the streets finally free of giant reptiles, Jaguars fans could once again leave their homes to attend games. Plus, they'd never have to see Blaine Gabbert again, and that in itself would be cause for celebration.

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